A Pearl of Wisdom from Imām Ghazālī’s Kāshifat al-Qulūb

Muḥammad Ṭāhir al-Kurdī summarized the following from Imām Ghazālī’s Kāshifat al-Qulūb:

“The husband must not be too open with his wife by way of joking, always showing her good manners, and doing things that follow her whims to the extent that her character spoils and she loses respect for him. Rather, the husband should be moderate; he must unequivocally maintain respect and show he is displeased whenever he sees something that is reprehensible. He must never open the door to supporting blameful actions. When he sees something contrary to the sacred law or something that violates one’s sense of honor, he should become angry and show his displeasure. The Prophet (upon him be peace) said: “He who is his wife’s slave is miserable.” He said this because when one obeys his wife’s whims, he is her slave and will be unhappy. Allāh gave the husband authority over his wife; if he gives her such authority over him, the matter, as it should be, has been reversed and turned upside down.”

ينبغي له أن لا ينبسط في الدعابة وحسن الخلق والموافقة باتباع هواها إلى حد يفسد خلقها ويسقط بالكلية هيبته عندها، بل يرعى الاعتدال فيه فلا يدع الهيبة والانقباض مهما رأى منكرا، ولا يفتح باب المساعدة على المنكرات ألبتة، بل مهما رأى ما يخالف الشرع والمروءة تنمر وامتعض وقد قال (صلى الله عليه وسلم): (تعس عبد الزوجة)، وإنما قال ذلك لأنه إذا أطاعها في هواها فهو عبدها وقد تعس فإن الله تعالى ملكه المرأة فملكها نفسه فقد عكس الأمر وقلب القضية.اه.